Spiritual Empowerment for Single People I

CHOOSING A SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR I

As anything worth its salt, a good spiritual director is hard to find. Look for someone affable, even-tempered, kind but strict, sober, pragmatic and yet capable of ascending to the heights of sublimity; dependable, available and preferably older than you. Occasionally, someone younger is aptly gifted by the Holy Spirit, but even infused wisdom is often no match for years of experience. Though anyone can bind oneself to God by consecration, and advance spiritually on one's own, it is still important to have good guidance.

Solitude and silence can lead to emotional peculiarities and neuroticism; the best way to know that you might be slipping into obsession or losing your way is to have someone to check with from time to time. I talk to my spiritual director frequently on the phone, because I have no car and little money, and for the sake of modesty, since he is a priest.

No one can know all his or her hidden faults; a good guide will hold a mirror up to you and help you to see yourself as others see you, and as God sees you. Without this reflection of reality, one can easily be deceived about oneself and become proud and even smug. Most people can see the faults of others and be totally blind to the beam that is in their own eyes. A good guide will show you the relative gravity of your sins and imperfections, and while comforting you in letting you see that they are to be expected, will be properly capable of making you detest them enough to change. Single people can find all the comfort they need in God alone, and thus, when they are in relationships, can be that much more strong and independent, so that when disappointments come, they have someone to lean on: Jesus Christ himself.